The Emotional Labor of Leadership: A Guide to Self-Awareness and Boundaries
Let’s talk emotional labor. Over the last 10 years, the phrase “emotional labor” has made its way from the fringes of management and therapy into the lexicon of the mainstream workforce. It’s a focal point in the leadership landscape and part of the everyday considerations of most leaders.
Before we jump in, let’s quickly define what we mean when we talk about emotional labor. Rose Hackman, the author of the book Emotional Labor, describes it as “the editing work of emotions that someone would do in order to have an effect on the emotions of someone else”. Any time you are working with emotions, we can count it as emotional labor. This applies to both your own emotions and, crucially, the emotions of those you work with.
Being a leader can be isolating. You take on your employees’ emotions and navigate your own emotions all while doing your best to continue projecting optimism. So how can we recognize the emotional labor we carry while being cautious not to let it overtake and weigh us down?
The Weight of Emotional Labor in Leadership
A common thread across my executive coaching clients is that a substantial portion of their time and effort is dedicated to managing the emotions of their employees, stakeholders, customers, and executive teams. This isn’t surprising to me for a couple of reasons.
First, mental health struggles continue to remain at elevated levels, with more and more pressure from outside sources like inflation, politics, and even seemingly far-off topics like climate change. A recent paper studying climate anxiety across 10 nations found that over half of 16- to 25-year-olds believe that “humanity is doomed” – if that isn’t cause for stress, then I don’t know what is.
Second, we are simply paying more attention. We notice when we feel drained by taking on the emotional work of others and we’re feeling the weight of the emotional labor of leadership, especially those of us with higher emotional intelligence.
Emotional Labor and Gender
It’s also worth mentioning here that the experience of emotional labor varies across Gender. It’s hard to measure, but there are a few statistics that can clue us in. 78% of workers in the “high emotional labor” industries like health care and social assistance are female. In 2018, men averaged 49 minutes more leisure time in a given day. Restaurant and bar industries which are, as people who have worked in those industries understand, emotional labor battlefields, are primarily dominated by women.
In addition, the less frequently studied nonbinary/gender nonconforming community is placed in the position of participating in unpaid emotional labor daily through the education of others on how to respect their identities. As a result, leaders who are part of this community are likely to experience emotional labor at greater frequencies than their peers.
I’m not saying that there isn’t emotional labor on cis-men, or that in your particular workplace there is an egregious imbalance – but it would be ungenuine of me not to bring up this aspect when talking about emotional labor and the inequities that exist
Self-Awareness and Emotional Intelligence
Emotional intelligence is crucial for leaders to succeed, and a vital part of this is having a sense of self-awareness. This isn’t the first time we have talked about self-awareness on the blog.
I’m not overstating it when I say that being self-aware is a superpower that leaders can harness to be better in all aspects of life. Understanding how taking on emotional labor can impact the ability to lead is paramount – because, as a leader, you can’t escape emotional labor. It’s part of the job.
Setting Boundaries as a Leader
Boundaries aren’t just for you – boundaries help everyone on your team. Sure, it’s very noble to be there for your team members. But if you don’t set a boundary you will end up being consumed by the emotional needs of others.
Take stock of your recent conversations with employees – are you acting like a coach or a quasi-therapist? There’s a stark difference between coaching and therapy. Therapists not only have the training to deal with the emotional labor of others but also to protect themselves against being profoundly affected by taking on all this work (something therapists refer to as the concept of “self-of-the-therapist”).
It’s not appropriate for you to serve as a quasi-therapist to your employees, but there is something to be learned from the ‘self-of-the-therapist’ concept to help you manage your own emotions without being activated by those you work with.
It’s great to talk about feelings, but if the conversation dips into personal problems and potentially mental health-related issues, then you might want to pause and reexamine how you can be most supportive to your team.
The Role of Self-Care in Leadership
Self-care is not a luxury. You aren’t treating yourself when you practice self-care – it’s the maintenance on your engine. It’s part of the emotional housekeeping that you must do to thrive and survive. Leaders cannot effectively manage emotional labor without a robust self-care practice. We have talked about self-care before on the blog, but it bears repeating. A neglected leader, overwhelmed by the emotional demands of the role, risks burnout and diminished capacity to guide their team.
Navigating with Empathy and Boundaries
Emotional labor is part of leadership. It always has been (even if we didn’t call it that), and it always will be. So, it is important to not let emotional labor envelop you when supporting a team. Remember to examine how others are affecting you and notice when you are getting wrapped up in ways that go beyond where your boundaries are.
Being emotionally intelligent and setting boundaries is a gift to you, as a leader, and your team as a whole. The result is a workplace culture that promotes well-being, resilience, and sustainable success. And that’s good for everyone.
Meridith Marshall is the CEO and Founder of Uncharted Way and has seen firsthand how people and organizations can navigate the most difficult of circumstances with clarity and openness to improve employee experience and culture in their workplace. She is an industry-recognized expert in using a data-driven approach, and is an Interaction Associates trained facilitator and certified Co-Active coach.